I have been struggling to find a way to address the current political elephant in the room. With the Presidential Election only a month away, I finally have to grow a set and write something political.
Both of our esteemed candidates have owned very different beaters over the years. Here they are:
Let’s start (for no particular reason) with Hillary Clinton’s beater.
Ladies first right? The Democratic hopeful most famously owned a 1986 blue Oldsmobile Cutlass Ciera. Not a bad car at all and certainly one worthy of Beater Life standards. Even though she hasn’t driven a car since 1996, and this thing is mint it, it looks every part of a beater.
The gentleman who owned it most recently bought it from a White House staff auction for $2000, eventually flipping it on eBay last April for a whopping $60k! According to the seller, the car remained parked for most of its life. Being driven mainly be White House staff to move around the property on errands.
The car was sold with EVERYTHING. Original A/C and tape deck. Warranty paperwork and owner’s manual signed by Sec. Clinton as well. It even still has the original “Clinton For Gov.” sticker on the back window. With only 33k miles on the clock, $60k was certainly a hefty price for a beater, but it’s certainly is a piece of modern Americana.
Now, let’s talk about the gutless Cutlass Ciera. greatest hits form it only delivered 150hp from the venerable GM 3800 under its hood, was lucky to push out 100hp from the 4-banger it came equipped with. The people that bought these cars didn’t by them because driving was fun. They bought them because they needed a car; they bought the Olds because that car had to at least look like they had money (even though we all knew it meant nothing).
My brother had a Cutlass Calais for a while. It was an honest mode of transportation and that was about all there is to write about. The Ciera trim package wasn’t much different. It was shinier, pleatherier and that’s about it. Again, the car set a reasonable precedent for you to judge its owners by when bought new. Most of those judgments are reserved for Principle Rooney or Michael Scott types – the squares and the unhip. Money and power bought Benzes, yuppies bought Bimmers, but mom, dad, and grandma bought Olds.
–I haven’t been able to track down the current owner just yet but if anyone has any tips or hints send them our way!–
Now for Donald Trump’s “beater” collection:
Not surprising to really anyone, Mr. Trumps collection of cars is about as brash and gaudy as, well, the rest of his style. Like him or not, it’s hard to dismiss a certain “80’s Guy” flavor in his automotive tastes. His cars have been big, loud, and as exciting as he has been this past election season. Car’s do reflect their owner’s character.:
First on the list is the 1956 Rolls Royce Silver Cloud, a car that screams Trump!!! It’s the car Richie-Rich would drive if he could, and seeing as Trump is a non-fiction version o Richie Rich, well I think it suits him perfectly. Trump is a known Rolls guy. He’s a HUUUUUGE fan of the brand and it doesn’t stop at the classic Phantom either. He can also be seen rolling around the block in a Rolls Phantom (Ghosts are for peasants!).
Owning cars at this level is like owning shoes. You have to have one for every occasion; Bussiness, formal, sports, beater. We’ve already covered formal and business attire with the Rolls- Royce’s but what about sports and active wear? Ferrari Italia and Lamborghini Diablo SV should suffice. Starting with the 458 Italia (a car we will look back on in 25-30yrs as fondly as we do GTO’s and Testarossa’s) it’s this generation’s Miami Vice-mobile, one perfectly fit for a guy perpetually stuck in the early ’90s. Beautiful as it may be, groundbreaking as it absolutely is, it’s still a cliches running shoe for a rich guy. Which leads us to the Lambo. A baby blue, Trump badged Lambo Diablo SV, one fo the first cars I fell madly and deeply in love with. Trump owns one. It’s as obnoxious as the man himself. A true exotic for a guy who needs to advertise his rapidly disappearing virility; or one that sells copious amounts of drugs. Have you been to late-90’s Miami?
The final car in his collection tat I want to focus on isn’t the most expensive, or the fastest, or the loudest. In my opinion its the one that should be talked about by everyone. It’s the most Trump-ish car in the lot. A 2006 Camaro Pace Car. An Indy 500 pace car. Old retired guys living down here in Florida own old pace cars, or at last the “Pace Car Edition.” At least we’re sticking to the tradition of nominating old rich white guys for president- a pace car is the perfect symbol of that.
So, no there you have it, The Presidential Beaters. The list is by no means comprehensive or complete as both candidates have most definitely owned several other cars throughout the years. But if you’re going to vote based on automotive taste- and I suggest that you don’t- this is the best I could do to give you an even scale on both candidates styles.
Remember you could vote for your old rich grandma and her Oldsmobile into office, or a fat old version of McCully Culkin’s Richie Rich. It could be worse, they could be owning mini-vans…